Career: Should I stay or should i go?
The decision to quit your job – regardless of how long you've been there – comes with lots of emotional baggage. Leaving is a loss. And as with any loss, you have to give yourself time to process the grief and associated feelings bound to come up.
The truth for most people is that by the time they get around to asking the question, "Should I stay or should I go," the balance has already shifted to the latter. By putting that question out there, you acknowledge that you're not satisfied. And when you know you aren't satisfied, something's got to give.
The more pertinent question is, "How do I want to leave?" As much as we all fantasize about throwing our papers up in the air, screaming, "I quit!" and stomping out of the office in a blaze of glory, that's rarely the best way to handle a departure. Burned bridges aren't good for anyone.
The Danger of Leaving Your Job Too Quickly
Just because you're suddenly aware that something has to change doesn't mean it's a good idea to change it immediately. I often see young professionals leave great jobs because they think a quick move up the ladder proves how capable they are when more often it sets them up to encounter problems they may not be prepared to tackle.
Job-hopping increases the potential for missteps, and that can lead to self-doubt. But staying for a while – even if you can do the job in your sleep – builds confidence.
The Fears Around Leaving Your Job Are Real
However, there’s a fine line between leaving too quickly and staying too long. Plenty of people stick it out in jobs that don’t make them happy because they’re afraid of what’s waiting for them on the other side. We tend not to leave because we wonder:
What if I can’t find a new job that I like? This concern is legitimate, considering the uncertainty of our current moment. But it's important to remember that you've found jobs in the past, and you still have skills that employers value.
What do I say when people ask me why I left such a great position? Be honest. That doesn't mean you need to trash your former employer. Leaving a job is like going through a divorce. Even if the situation was challenging, focus on the positive experiences, and explain that it was time for a change.
How will I survive if I don’t find something similar right away? Ask yourself if you can afford to live on a little less than what you were making. Assess where you can cut back and take an honest appraisal of your non-negotiables. If you find that you don't have much wiggle room, a more extended transition can help.
Will other people think I don’t have what it takes? Deciding to quit does not diminish your value as a person or an employee. Staying at a job you don’t love says far more about your integrity than leaving.
The Benefits of a Long Transition Out of Your Job
Often, the process of leaving starts when the discomfort of staying outweighs the fear of what comes next. Unfortunately, those moments tend to coincide with emotional and professional low-points.
While you may intellectually understand that you bring a lot to the table, if you haven't gotten positive feedback in a while, your inner critic will likely pop up and cause you to doubt yourself. And even if other people are saying good things about you, it's hard to hear their words when you're overworked, exhausted, and under stress.
My co-lead during corporate workshops, Suzanne Taylor, always asks the question, "What else is possible?" It’s a vital question to answer. But when daily details and small picture obligations weigh you down, you don't have the space to think clearly about what opportunities leaving presents.
Maybe quitting will allow you to start your own business, take a vacation, or simply sleep for two weeks. The "dream stage" of your departure is a crucial one. It encourages a shift in mindset that helps you look at the end with curiosity rather than dread.
When you revel in it, rather than rush through, you open yourself up to possibilities you may never have imagined.
Tips to Enjoy The Transition Out of Your Current Job
If you’re considering leaving your job, here are some tips to ease your way through the transition:
Take time to Reflect: Make a list of your accomplishments. Rate your successes by whatever metric you choose. Did you overcome a personal obstacle? What soft or transferable skills did you develop?
Get Support: Find someone to talk to through the transition. Ideally, this would be a coach as they can be objective. If that’s not possible, pick a person you trust to listen and ask questions.
Reach Out: Be brave and lean on your contacts. Even if you haven't talked to someone in years, reach out and let them know what's going on with you. Listening to their stories will shift your mindset out of fear and into possibility.
Balance the Timing: Yes, you need time, but too much time is almost as dangerous as too little. A healthy transition period will help you assess when the time is right.
Remember, there's a big difference between staying in a role because you love it or you're not ready to move on and waiting because you're afraid to leap. If you know you’re not happy, it’s time to consider your options, objectives, and desires seriously.
When you allow yourself time to dream your life forward rather than rushing to make a change, you can make a graceful exit and transition into the next phase of your career with confidence.
Leaving a job is hard. It requires that you set boundaries and get clear on what you do and don’t want for your life. A coach could be just what you need to develop the clarity and confidence necessary to take a big next step. Contact me for more information.
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First published Nov 23, 2020
