How coaching makes you a more confident leader

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you know that I often write about how our early childhood influences create the beliefs we carry with us into our adult years. If you’re lucky, the voices you hear in childhood become positive sources of self-confidence and resilience.

If you’re less fortunate, they become the inner critic that holds you back and the blind spots that make it hard to connect with yourself and others. Thankfully, coaching offers an opportunity to peek behind the curtain and discover who you are, what you genuinely believe, and why you’re here.

The First Step in Coaching

The first thing I do with my coaching clients is to ask them to identify themselves. Most people think I want their first and last name and where they grew up, but I’m actually asking for a list of their accomplishments.

This request can be challenging, especially for women who are quick to attribute any accomplishments to luck rather than aptitude. Why is it so crucial for leaders to acknowledge their abilities and achievements? Because when you see how you got from point A to point B, you can translate that information to others and inspire them to follow your lead.

Coaching Helps You Identify Blindspots

We all have blind spots in our lives. And yet, even as our broader culture becomes more focused on uncovering unconscious biases, we consistently fail to investigate our own. As a leader, you must examine your blind spots - until you do, it will be impossible to create a culture of trust and psychological safety.

I recently connected with a client who was in a rage about “female leaders.” He generalized that “they always push to the extreme and constantly present last-minute fire drills.” I asked if we were talking about a specific person, and he said yes. “Tell me about her boss,” I said.

My client sighed and responded, “He’s a chaos-driven, highly demanding personality. I get it. This woman is between a rock and a hard place.” He admitted that he’d spent weeks fuming and acting very passive-aggressive with her. “After this week is over,” I told him, “You have to have a conversation.”

Heal Your Relationships With the Help of Coach

Nobody comes into coaching to learn how to do their jobs; they come to learn how to do their jobs when relationships are challenging - when there’s no trust or communication has broken down. The only way forward in these moments is through conversation. 

Talking through conflict is never fun, but it’s critical to humanize the other person and understand their intention or motivation.

To rebuild relationships, I often tell clients they have to “spring über den  eigenen Schatten” or “jump over your own shadow.” Most of us struggle in our relationships because we can’t disengage from the ego. Instead, we “shadow-box” with our assumptions and ignore what’s happening for the other person. Jumping over your shadow allows you to see things from their perspective and bring empathy and compassion into the conversation.

When Is The Right Time to Seek Out a Coach

Most people come to see me when they’re on the precipice of a significant change. For example, they’ve just been promoted and want to work on their communication and leadership skills. Or they’re returning to work after maternity leave, a personal loss, or a dramatic shift in the family dynamic.

Ideally, people should seek coaching when they have enough energy to do the hard work required in these times of transition. But sometimes, I see people when they’re far more wobbly, in the middle of a burnout, or after they’ve left a team or their company.

Ultimately, a good coach can work with you in either situation. They will equip you with the tools to navigate the challenging moments so that you’re better prepared to handle them when they happen again – which they always do.

Understand What’s Holding You Back

If you want to become a more effective leader, of course, you need to learn how to communicate, delegate and set boundaries. But you can’t do any of those things until you uncover and resolve the limiting beliefs holding you back. It’s almost impossible to lead a team when you don’t know your north star. 

The more work you do to connect with yourself and your desires, the easier it is to connect with others and lead them from a place of confidence, clarity, and compassion.

If you’re interested in seeing how a coach can help you build your leadership skills, contact me today.

First published May 24, 2021