There is no Quick-Fix for lasting change

Over the last month, I've fielded several requests to host my workshop, The Wisdom of Saying No. I'm delighted by these inquiries and not surprised that they're coming right now. Since March, we've all had to take on additional responsibilities, contend with unprecedented changes, and learn to cope in this new normal. I've spoken with so many people who have hit some level of burnout or overwhelm. Everyone needs a time out.

So yes, The Wisdom of Saying No is a hot commodity at the moment, and that's fantastic. But with the requests to facilitate have come a few requests to "skip the wisdom and get straight to the tips."  I know that a quick-fix always sounds appealing, but that's not how I work. Here's why.

Wisdom is The Operative Word

Anyone can turn to Google and find hundreds of how-to guides that offer practical advice to set boundaries. These articles will tell you what you already know: be direct, name your limits, and prioritize self-care. You probably know how to say no and are fully capable of holding your ground 90% of the time. But what about the other 10%?

How do you handle those moments that render you speechless? When you can’t negotiate, ask for specifics, or create ground rules? In those moments, when you're suddenly tongue-tied and off-balance, it's easy to fall into a habitual emotional response. This is where wisdom comes in handy.

The Mind-Body Connection is Crucial

There's no quick fix to develop awareness around why you can easily say no to your spouse, but when your boss asks you to take on more than you can handle, you start to sweat, your hands get cold, and you can’t catch your breath. Those physical feelings are symptoms of a complicated emotional response – more on this in my next two posts.

The wisdom part of my workshop is about learning to sit with those emotions so that the next time you’re triggered, they don’t hijack the experience. Yes, I want you to feel your feelings, but I also want you to see them as information, rather than commands. That kind of awareness takes time to develop, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes to pause before saying yes to every request for your time and energy. 

You’re Allowed to Renegotiate

If you've already agreed to something and you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or exhausted trying to get it accomplished, you can use your wisdom to renegotiate. When you do, you build integrity and credibility. However, if you perpetually ignore the signs that your body sends you in moments of high stress, you'll always have too much on your plate, and that makes the renegotiation process much more complicated than it needs to be. 

The Wisdom of Saying No helps participants understand the triggers and trappings that keep them from saying No with confidence and clarity. With this understanding, decision-making can happen with integrity and authenticity and support the group’s overarching goal.

If you're interested in scheduling The Wisdom of Saying No for your organization, get in touch today.

First published Aug 31, 2020